If you’ve decided you won’t buy new clothes until you reach your goal weight, will only do that art class when your ideal number appears on the scales or plan to say ‘no’ to invitations until shifting those unwanted kilos, think again. Many dieters press the ‘pause’ button on their life and tell themselves, ‘When I lose the weight, then I’ll do all those things I’ve always wanted to do.’ This punitive approach to weight loss is being turned on its head thanks to insights from positive psychology. Rather than believing life will begin once you lose weight, the new message is get a life now and watch the weight drop.
Pressing the pause button
“I put my life on hold for many years because I thought that things would be better when I was at my ideal weight,” reveals Dr Amanda Sainsbury-Salis, author of The Don’t Go Hungry Diet. “But it actually exacerbated my weight problems because I was socially isolated, physically inactive, and so bored and lonely that food became all too important in my life. I spent many hours bingeing and sleeping it off like a boa constrictor.” According to psychotherapist, Susannah Paterson, it becomes a vicious cycle. “If you don’t like yourself or your body, you are often stuck in a cycle of not wanting to care for it with diet and exercise because it runs counter to your core beliefs.” This pattern might be familiar to The Biggest Loser Club members.
Dr Tim Sharp created the Happiness Diet and believes putting your life on hold works against weight loss. “This is what I refer to as ‘the tyranny of when’ and it simply causes dissatisfaction and disappointment, unhappiness and misery. None of these feelings are motivating or energising so they tend to exacerbate any problems you have which then exacerbates the negative emotions.”
The solution: change your thinking and start living your ideal life now.
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Define and live your ideal life
If your life has been on hold, start by defining what your ideal life looks and feels like. “We encourage people to begin by creating a big, bold, positive vision of the future,” advises Sharp. “Ask yourself: what would a great life look like? What would I be doing? Who would I be doing it with? Once this becomes a bit clearer, we help people break down that vision into smaller, more achievable goals and, ideally, a series of pleasurable and satisfying activities they can do each and every day.”
Once you’ve envisioned your ideal life, start living it now. Begin with something you’ve always wanted to do but put off because of your weight. If your weight prevents you from pursuing your passion, find an alternative. As Sainsbury-Salis shares, “When I was fat, I always wanted to continue the ballet lessons I started in childhood and to dance on the tips of my toes. But at 93 kilos, it was physically impossible so I started flamenco dancing instead which really values earthiness and grounded-ness.” If dance isn’t your thing, try life drawing, blogging, or join a book group.
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Watch your thoughts
“The best way to change your thinking about enjoying life is to become aware of what you are thinking first,” suggests Paterson. “Most self-critical, de-valuing thoughts are ‘automatic’ and even unconscious so we don’t even notice we’ve just said ‘you’re fat’ in a harsh tone to ourselves. It’s hard work, but you have to really notice what you are saying to yourself, about yourself and learn how to challenge it.” Sharp adds, “Become aware that thoughts are not facts and that they can be ignored or changed or debated or accepted depending on whether you believe them to be helpful or not.”
For those feeling shy or embarrassed about doing an activity: fake it ‘til you make it. “I used this approach to get over my initial discomfort about social interactions,” says Sainsbury-Salis. “Within 6 months, I was able to confidently organise social events, go to ballroom dancing nights and even sing karaoke on Friday evenings.” Gradually extend your personal boundaries and improve self-confidence.
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Practice appreciation and gratitude
It’s easy to become caught up in your own head. Instead, connect with others (perhaps via the forums) and acknowledge the good things in your life. “Spend time each and every day thinking about all the good things in you, in your life and in the world around you,” offers Sharp. It will help you feel more positive and happy so you won’t need to reach into the fridge for comfort.
Finally, throw out the clothes in your wardrobe that you dream of fitting into again one day. As Sainsbury-Salis says, “You will feel instantly better about yourself and this will help you to do the things you need to do to forget about food, be active, and reach the weight you are meant to be.”