Can you spot a weight-loss saboteur? Do you have friends, family members or even colleagues who deliberately try and disrupt your efforts to lose weight? They might tempt you with chocolate, lure you into having just one more drink, tease you about your new-found fascination with fitness and even warn you about getting too thin.
Psychologist Dr Suzy Green says food saboteurs can be a major obstacle to achieving diet goals and it’s not unusual for family and even best friends to sabotage our strivings for success, “They can really test your resolve and play on the need for approval that all of us have in relationships.”
Here's a list of the most common types of saboteurs with tips on how to deal with them so they don’t derail your healthy plans.
The self-struggler
Making life changes is tough, even when you’re in the right head space. If your diet saboteur also has weight issues, he or she might be a “self struggler” – someone who might feel anxious that while you’re making good-health changes, they’re not. Dr Green adds, “Your own goals and the changes you make can stir up the other person's own aspirations and remind them that they haven't really committed to them as strongly as you have.” In turn, this could lead to feelings of stress, guilt, frustration or fear in you both.
Tip: Try to encourage the self-struggler to make small changes for his or her own health, with as much positive enthusiasm as you can.
The non-realiser
This person just doesn’t get it – they don’t appreciate how important the weight-loss journey is for you and maybe don’t understand what it feels like to be heavier than you want to be.
Tip: The only way to get the non-realiser on side is to communicate your needs and your goals. Share how you feel about wanting to get fitter and try to enlist non-realisers to join you in your plans to get healthier.
The pusher
Whether this is your mum, partner, or friend, the pusher probably equates food with love. But just as you wouldn’t expect an alcoholic to be forced to drink booze, you shouldn’t have to put up with having food foisted on you either.
Tip: Very nicely and politely explain your goals and encourage the serving of lighter alternatives or smaller portions and pile up loads of vegies or salads onto your plate first. Practice some courteous ways to prevent overindulging if you’re going to be spending time with a pusher.
The miss-you-mate
Does your friend feel sad that you’re no longer a fellow drinking buddy, takeaway mate, or snacking partner? It might not just be about food; if you’re spending more time at the gym, you may well have less time for your pal who might be a bit put out. Friends might actually resent the whole get-healthy process if it alters your attractiveness and brings about lifestyles changes.
Tip: You can continue to enjoy time with your miss-you-mate, but focus on more active pastimes, such as a gym session or a walk and indulge together in healthier, tasty foods.
The threatened spouse
Psychologist Dr Louise Adams says, “Your spouse may be unsettled at the thought of you changing and quite often, the actions of the troubled partner can actively or passively sabotage the whole process for the would-be weight-reducer. It really depends upon the dynamics of the relationship, but if the couple met when one partner was heavy, the whole aspect of physical attraction can alter.
“I recently saw a couple of ‘food lovers’ in my practice. When one started to lose weight, both had to undergo lifestyle changes. They couldn’t eat or drink as much as they used to. Before, much of their wind-down-after-work ‘couple’ time was spent enjoying food and wine together.
“When one decided to lose weight, her partner took it as a sort of rejection, but once they started to do different things together, like going for walks, they started to adjust. Both really love wine and so instead of sharing a bottle every night, they started to buy one really great bottle and have a small glass each day.”
Tip: If your partner feels threatened try doing new activities together so they feel they're still an important part of your life.
Support systems
There’s no doubt that surrounding yourself with like-minded and supportive people will help you succeed, so share your challenges and find answers by exchanging your stories on the forums. Single out friends, family and colleagues to share your journey with, and if you need to, avoid individuals (at least temporarily) who don’t support your personal goals.
Just say no!
Loved ones aren’t psychic, so the only way you can communicate what you need is to talk about it, especially to those you live with. Try to be fair and reasonable and keep in mind that your own needs are unique. By understanding what you need, they might be willing and better able to compromise and adapt their behaviours, at least in the short term. If they feel needed, they may be more likely to become part of your team, too. Be polite but assertive and just say no – you don’t need to explain and you don’t need to feel guilty for wanting to be healthier.